Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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