She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to calm my uterus...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
