don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
