My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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