Can Purell be used as lube?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
