I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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