this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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