We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
