Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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