Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
