sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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