i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
