she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
