even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
