Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.