she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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