i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
