the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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