No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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