Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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