All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
