your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
