I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
