I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
