my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
