I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The power of my boobs compel you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch