I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"