awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities