The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.