A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?