A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?