Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.