i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid