you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
