don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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