he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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