Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
