cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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