I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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