broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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