babies were throwing up all over the place
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
