I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
