why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
