people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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