somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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