Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
