No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
