You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
