And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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