literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
