YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
