A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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