the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
