It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
