she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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