she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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