you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
