I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
