is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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