His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
