I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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