Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
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Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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