this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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