it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
