Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
