You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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