guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
