we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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