it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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