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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
