So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
