Dual....:-)
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
