he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
