hotel room ftw
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
