i think my tv is drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
