Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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