god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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