did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
