just tell him i said nine months
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
