When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
