I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
